Tuesday, November 3, 2015

I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers

"There is in every true woman's heart a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity" -Washington Irving

I've been reading Stephanie Nielson's book Heaven is Here. I was reading yesterday and came across this quote and loved it. I have felt that heavenly fire over the past year. I recently turned 25 (what??) and have been reflecting on my year as a 24 year old. It was INSANE. I never saw any of it coming. It was so so hard, but I will forever be grateful for that year in my life. I have learned to keep working hard when things get tough and have changed in ways that I didn't even know were possible. Here were some of the most important things that happened:

-Went through the temple: obviously this was the most important thing that I've ever done in my life. I always wanted to go through the temple when I got married. I wanted to have my husband be there with me. That was something that was hard for me to let go of, but I am so thankful that I did. It has been the greatest blessing of my life. I know that I have received strength from on high to overcome my challenges and to better trust in God, because I made this decision. 

-Overcame anxiety: yep, you read that right. It is still so crazy for me to say "I used to struggle with anxiety" I get giddy when I think about the change that has been made in me. I received a priesthood blessing a long time ago and in it it talked about how I would have the strength to overcome challenges that I will face in this life and to be able to rise above them. When I was in the middle of my anxiety I didn't know how that could ever be true. I was in a very dark place and didn't see any way out of it. I even got to the point where I accepted that I would never be able to get it in control and would just have to live with it. As I've stated on here before I was prideful and didn't want to give counseling another chance after my first bad experience. Finding my counselor who I go to now has changed my life. I feel like a new person. I was in the car with Britt the other night, and we were running late. She turned to me and said "you know how I know you don't really struggle with anxiety anymore? Because you aren't super stressed about us not being on time". That simple statement made me so happy. I know that I don't get anxious as much anymore, but it was cool to know that my friends can see it too. ALSO I need to clarify. Every so often there are times still when I get anxious BUT I know how to manage it to where it doesn't affect my daily life.

-Dyed my hair pink: I had never dyed my hair before, and yet for some odd reason I decided to dye it pink my first time. It has been such a cool experience. I had never really felt judged for my appearance before, but I have seen people giving me judgmental looks most likely thinking I'm some rebellious girl. It's been so funny to see the old ladies at the temple do a double take. I've loved it. It's been a great lesson to me to not judge people based on appearances.  It has been cool too because it's kind of had an opposite effect as well. I've met some people who have appeared to be a little rougher around the edges, and they have opened up to me. I think a huge reason for that is that I don't really look like the stereotypical Mormon girl. In the past I have known people who have assumed that I am a judgmental "Molly Mormon", and I've loved that people have been able to see that I'm not. Who would have guessed that pink hair would be the way for people to recognize that?

-Learned that God gives us agency. Sounds stupid and obvious to say this, but I have learned this better this year than I ever have. He lets us choose. He'll let us know if it's a poor decision, but He lets US decide. In the past I have expected God to tell me what to do: don't marry this person, pick this major, this job is the best option for you. It doesn't work like that. God lets us decide. What kind of world would it be if God told everyone who to marry? Life would be so simple if God just handed the perfect career to each of us. He lets us choose, and sometimes He lets us pick the wrong thing, and from that we learn what we truly need. Sometimes it takes exploring one option to help you realize that you made a mistake and that you had what you needed before. It often requires a leap of faith, and that is how we find the right path for our lives. I am learning all of this as I try to figure out what I'm going to be doing with my life. I have received the answer to my prayers about moving away from Provo. You know what answer I got? "It's your decision". It's definitely a difficult answer to hear, but I am so thankful that God trusts me enough to make this decision.

Here are some pics because most people don't actually want to read novels on here SORRY

Carolyn Owens blew my mind with her spinach dip

"Make a bad face for Halloween"-Brig

One upon a time Kneaders didn't have bread bowls or Allison's panini. What purpose do you even have then Kneaders???

reasons to love birthdays

snapped right as Gram labeled the picture we were taking Madonna and Child 

This was potentially my last birthday in Utah. So happy I got to spend it with my top people.

As mentioned in my last post I bought a ticket to Maryland for Em's farewell and to visit Kaile. I sent some pics home to make the people jealous, but I never expected for my dad to respond like this lolol

 My first ever Potbelly experience before seeing The Martian (soooooo good)

best chicks in the best place

 two middle dormer windows = my childhood bedroom

Not the first time in this witch's brew. Basically this was a weekend of reliving my childhood

 Perfect timing allowed for Blythe and I to be in town at the same time 

2 years in a row of Markoff's Haunted Forest = 2 years of terrified joy

 wouldn't be a trip to the Kentland's ward without walking on the wall after church

Emilee gave the best farewell talk. It was pure bliss being able to be there to witness it. 

post church snugz

last lac pack facetime

I slept at Emilee's on Sunday night. It was the perfect final sleepover. She makes me laugh so hard every time I'm with her. Our entire pillow talk consisted of giggling over ridiculous boy band quizzes and posting them to facebook, and Em requesting that her friend tag all his hot friends in his instagram post. I tend to have no inhibitions when I'm with her, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

The next day we packed Emilee for her mission and ran some last minute errands. We walked by Barnes and Noble. Took a picture for mom because this is where we used to go the midnight book releases of Harry Potter. Regular cool mom

Final errands = Final jam session to Harlem and Ugly Heart

On Tuesday Kaile had class so I went to DC for the day. I went to the National Gallery of Art in the morning before having Shake Shack for the fist time for lunch. 

"No, she's a full-on Monet. It's like a painting see? From far away, it's ok, but up close, it's a big old mess."

In the afternoon I went to the magical, perfect Georgetown and shopped until Blythe picked me up to go to the temple. I got to see one of grandpa's paintings that I had never seen before. I loved being back in this temple. I did baptisms for the first time here, and it's always had a special place in my heart.

Emilee and I had an early flight coming back to Utah. We ate our last breakfast together right after we got our seat assignments changed to


 God loves us, just sayin'

The hand that gave us everything...from quiet giggles to a silent circus animal snack offering  

Alicia picked us up from the airport. We dropped Em off at the MTC...cue tears


Alicia brought Emilee a Sodalicious when she picked us up. She gave it to me when she dropped me off at my apartment. It was almost as heart breaking as the time my mom wouldn't let me go see N*Sync at TRL when we were in New York the summer before 4th grade.

At least Frank won't leave me for a mission for at least another 16 years

Me, as I got back from my trip: Have you guys been partying???
Jayne: No, I've never partied. Well, one time in music class...

 Cluck Truck made it's debut at the Provo Food Truck Round-up. You want to try it people. Trust me

 There was a certain day that I wasn't looking forward to. I thought it would be a hard day. Turns out it was a great day. Michael is a really great friend, and we went and shot his airsoft gun, smashed plates that we bought at D.I. and tried to break the most absurd little statue that was invincible. He sent this before we went lolz

 After we filmed some bridal shower footage, Jenee came home from work and we got some Slab. Kirk hung out with us a little bit in between wedding stuff.

 Lashea and I threw a shower for Jenee about a week ago. I am so happy that she and Michael found each other. They are such a good match. Plus she let's me still hang out with Michael and third wheel them all the time. Can't wait for her to be my 5th cousin-in-law

 Got to play mom for a few days. I won't complain when this cutie crawls into bed with me.

 Kwasi killed it in the Sir Knight pageant last week.

For Halloween this year I dressed up as a mermaid. I wanted to be something that could work with my pink hair. Grandma Porter worked her sewing sorcery and made this awesome skirt for me.

I went with the kids trick-or-treating. Jayne wore my costume that I wore 18 years ago as a first grader. She told me a while back that she wanted to be a witch. I told her that I was a witch when I was in first grade too, and that I had a dress if she wanted to wear it. I worried that maybe she wouldn't want to borrow it, but no, my cute little Jayne loved it and wanted to wear it too.

Hans the monster

Toward the end Frank and I were way ahead of everyone else, so I took him over to John's house. All the boys earned so many dad points. Paul had a candy bowl for trick or treaters, Michael gave Frank a cookie and John had Frank help him light his pumpkin. Cutest future dads.

This is the only picture I got of Halloween night... a screenshot of Jessi's snap story...oops. We went to a few different parties. I think she wins best costume out of all the ones I saw. She was Darla from Finding Nemo

Sunday dinner when Frank cares more about videos on my phone than hanging with us

no words

happy extras:
-Watching episode after episode of the final season of parenthood with Kaile while snuggled in her basement. My advice for girls everywhere: never settle for less than your Adam Braverman.
-BYU basketball is baaaaaaack
-Lindsey catching me finishing dancing to Usher alone in my car after I pulled into the Lanai parking garage. 
-ice cream at the hospital with Ryan, Jessi, Allison and Seth after our intramural game.
-"it was life" Max talking about his former Pokemon obsession
-facetime with Kirk as we planned to make winter not suck. Curling is on the agenda
-wiffle ball with the kids on my birthday before dinner
-walking away from Kristen's house as she yelled out "Kate, I just want you to know that you're one of my very best friends." yeah, I have those kind of friends.
-Brig wanting to be the mom when we played house, him calling me son.
-"What is this the cha cha line?" creepy guy at the haunted forest making fun of us for being huddled in a line.
-randomly going with Sydney to get our nails done in the middle of the day
-running into Brooke and getting to sit with her at stake conference. 
-Hanging with Celeste Sunday night as she shared her theories on why Taylor Swift is pure evil. 
-Analyzing The Other Boleyn girl with Em on our flight while the missionary going home had to listen to us because he had nothing else to do. 
-Witch at Haunted Forest yelling to her sisters and every one of us instantly yelling "sisteeeeeers" in the Winnie from Hocus Pocus voice. 
-As I left Steve's house, Vinny:"I forgot something!" gives me a hug and a kiss. Then Frank wanted in and gave me a hug and a kiss as he kept saying "I love you!"
-Spending the day in Alpine with Allison rocking out to Bohemian Rhapsody as we baked for bridal shower.
-Emilee sending notes to me with Ally from the MTC